


they call it love

by hummingbirdswords



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Swan-Mills Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-29 19:22:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10860444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hummingbirdswords/pseuds/hummingbirdswords
Summary: They call it falling in love, like everything just happens without thought, without notice, without deliberate action. And maybe some people do fall in love. Maybe some people just trip and land in the arms of the person who makes everything inside of them click together like a completed puzzle. But Emma’s neverfallenin love before.





	they call it love

**Author's Note:**

> I was in need of something light after...well, everything. After many attempts, this is what my brain has come up with...

They call it falling in love, like everything just happens without thought, without notice, without deliberate action. And maybe some people do fall in love. Maybe some people just trip and land in the arms of the person who makes everything inside of them click together like a completed puzzle. But Emma’s never _fallen_ in love before. She’s loved, she’s wanted, and she’s lusted. But none of it has been by accident; none of it has been without choosing. And up until the moment Regina Mills throws her head back while laughing like Emma has never seen her do before, Emma’s not even sure she’s actually ever truly been in love.

 

But she knows she is now.

 

There have been others to enter her life and make her feel like she could find happiness that rivaled no other. She has opened herself up to people, given parts of herself away in hopes that they would cherish what she gave them and it would mean they would never let go. She has clung when she knew better, and she has hoped to be enough even when she didn’t feel as though she was. But she realizes none of that was being in love – none of that had even been good for her in the end. That had been need, a hunger for affection and attention decades old, and it was something she had confused with love far too many times.

 

But there’s no confusing what she feels for Regina. She doesn’t grasp and cling, doesn’t hold on too tight just because she’s afraid of being alone like she has with every other person she had believed she was in love with. Regina is nothing like any of them. She’s been kept at a distance for so long, gets pushed away when everything becomes too much, and somehow that makes all the difference.

 

Emma did not _fall_ in love with Regina. Emma has despised her, grown to appreciate her, felt herself wanting more of her, developed a strong connection with her, and has been aware of every single new step they took together. Nothing with Regina had been sudden, nothing an accident, no instantaneous moment that threw Emma into the incomparable, indescribable feeling called love. Emma has worked towards Regina, to what they have, run from it when she was afraid of how easy it felt to embrace it all, and has never made more conscious decisions than the ones that lead up to her standing across the yard, watching Regina laugh while the echo of the sound plays in her chest, matching the beat of her heart.

 

She did not fall in love with Regina because she has chosen it. Push and pull, uncertainties and all, it has always been her choice.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Regina is mid-laugh when she notices that she’s being watched, the kind of laugh that comes from deep down in her belly and makes her shoulders shake as she lets it free. The picnic table in her backyard is surrounded by her loved ones, covered in plates and serving dishes that are now mostly empty, and the summer day that has been sunny and bright is slowly becoming a relaxed evening with a slight breeze. Everyone’s enjoying themselves, joking around, her ever-growing family that she never quite believed she could have filling the yard with rambunctious laughter. But the eyes she can feel on her pull her away from all of that, compel her to turn and look over her shoulder, her laughter slowly fading but the joy playing across her face staying strong as she gently smiles and locks eyes with Emma.

 

The way Emma straightens up from where she leans against the opened back door and tentatively smiles at Regina, like she’s not certain that she should, is all that it takes for Regina to vacate her seat and cross the yard. It’s not what Emma expects, and Regina knows this only from watching the way Emma starts to fidget, but Regina can also tell it’s exactly what Emma wants by the way the small smile she had initially been given blooms into something big and beautiful that causes a wave of unadulterated excitement to roll through Regina’s entire body.

 

Emma clears her throat as Regina joins her on the patio and stuffs her hands into her jeans. Regina decides not to poke fun at how obviously flustered she is and tilts her head to the side, gesturing to the porch swing that overlooks the yard but gives them a little privacy from the others. She doesn’t wait to see if Emma will follow her because she automatically knows she will. She does, however, walk slowly, leisurely, taking quiet steps that make it easy for her to hear the exact moment Emma shifts on her feet and joins her.

 

They both sigh as they sit, Emma’s sigh a little heavier than the content one Regina lets pass her lips when Emma chooses to sit so their thighs are touching despite all the room that she leaves on the other side of her. It’s nothing out of the ordinary, the lack of space between them recently. Even in the moments when Regina can clearly tell that Emma is trying to distance herself from her, from the family, there’s a lack of true distance, a need to be close that cannot be diminished or hidden. Regina understands that need because she feels it as well, and so she leans just a little closer to Emma every time, silently feeding a hunger that they share yet have never properly spoken about.

 

Regina turns her head to look at Emma after allowing her a few quiet moments to settle. Emma is smiling softly and watching Henry tell a story they can’t hear but is making everybody laugh, even Robyn happily shaking her rattles in the air and squirming in Zelena’s arms. Regina only glances their way, her focus quickly brought back to the woman beside her who is looking a little brighter today, less worn down than she had been only a few months ago.

 

It’s been months since Emma decided that she needed to find happiness within herself because she no longer recognized the person she saw in the mirror, months since there’s been any sign of the pirate or the ring that had been on Emma’s finger. It’s been months since she’s started therapy, the earliest sessions bringing out rage and anger, the most recent ones bringing back small things like the easy smiles and the fight in her iridescent eyes. It’s been months of Emma being unsure whether she needs space or if she can find her place in the family that is waiting for her to be ready to come back to them. It’s been months of Emma pushing and pulling, wanting and then denying, but Regina has been there by her side through all of it. And as she observes her in the soft light of the setting sun, thinking of all the time that has passed, she only hopes that Emma understands that she isn’t going anywhere.

 

Emma lets out another sigh as she turns to meet Regina’s gaze, her smile pulling at her cheeks. “He gets that from you, you know?”

 

Regina raises a curious eyebrow and Emma casually puts her arm behind Regina on the back of the swing, shrugging her shoulders lightly. Regina doesn’t pretend like she doesn't notice the invitation like she might have once before, doesn’t try to fight the urge to move into the space that Emma wants her to fill. She shifts without thinking twice, crosses an arm over her chest so she can take the hand on her shoulder and acknowledge Emma’s touch by interlacing their fingers. She holds her breath, knowing that sometimes that’s too much, sometimes Emma still feels like she needs to pull away. But Emma’s grin only grows as she squeezes her fingers around Regina’s, and Regina exhales a happy breath.

 

“He’s got everyone’s attention over there. The kid’s a natural. Once he’s out of his shell, he kind of just steals the floor.” She attempts to shrug, stretching her legs out and crossing them at the ankles. “Reminds me of you.”

 

Regina hums and lets her head rest against Emma. It doesn’t feel like she’s looking for a response, so Regina doesn’t fill the quiet with unnecessary words. Instead, she watches Emma out of the corner of her eye until she looks down at Regina and the moment starts to feel heavy with _something._

 

“Thanks for inviting me,” Emma says. Her eyes lower down to Regina’s lips and then over to where their hands are together. She rubs her thumb up and down, soft and slow across Regina’s skin, and then brings her attention back to Regina’s face.

 

There’s a warmth that is almost always there in Regina’s chest, one that burns in the most pleasant ways in these moments they share. She feels it when Emma is feeling comfortable with herself and, as a result, doesn’t listen to the voices and doubts that tell her she cannot have what Regina knows Emma wants with her. It is like a warm glow when they are like this, close and connected, an understanding that there are still times when they feel unworthy of the other but they still _want_ whatever they can have. It spreads through her chest and tingles in her fingertips, warms her from her core.

 

She feels that warmth as she tells Emma, simply, “It’s family day. You’re always invited.” And just in case Emma doesn’t understand that she doesn’t just mean she’s always invited when the rest of the family is over, she gives her a little half-smile and adds: “You know, that key you have isn’t just for emergencies, Emma. You can use it whenever. The invitation is only in case you forget.”

 

Satisfied that she’s said enough, she turns to watch everyone else, still smiling when Emma releases a soft sigh, the kind that sounds relaxed and content, and the swing starts to slowly rock.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

“Oh, Ma!” Henry startles Emma and makes her jump slightly, careful not to move too much when the first thing she notices after his surprised face is the weight of Regina’s head still on her shoulder. It’s much darker now, and Henry is smiling like the sight of his mothers sleeping in the middle of family time is the greatest thing he’s ever seen. “There you are. Zelena said she saw Mom come over here when you got here, but she thought you guys went inside.”

 

Emma’s throat feels scratchy. She clears it as she brings the hand that’s not draped over Regina’s arm up to her hair, sliding her fingers through carefully. She needs to stretch, but she doesn’t even consider moving the left side of her body away from Regina. “Yeah, sorry. I didn’t mean to steal her away from everybody,” she says sheepishly, but he just waves her off.

 

“Nah. She might pretend like she’s not, but we all know she’s always looking out for you when you’re not around,” he tells her, still grinning at her, way too tall and growing up way too fast for Emma to keep up. She swears she just blinks her eyes and he grows another inch and an ounce more of sarcasm fills his bones.

 

She feels a little guilty when his words process, especially when she thinks about how often she has pulled away from all of them in the past. But she’s working on it, and they, all of them, make sure to let Emma know they’re willing to give her space as long as she knows it doesn’t have to be that way. And she does. She still has days where it’s hard to think about how much she’s hurt them, how many times she had selfishly put them at risk, but those days come less often now that she’s working on being the best version of herself for both herself and her family.

 

“I’m just happy you made it,” he continues. “She made some of your favorites, wouldn’t even let me have any of the cookies she put aside for you. Now, since you’re here and you obviously want to share, you can let me have a few. Right?”

 

He waggles his eyebrows a little, making her grin, but she’s still stuck on the part where Regina made her cookies. “Cookies?”

 

He nods. “Yeah. _I_ helped with all the food, but it’s you who gets special cookies. And she tries to pretend she’s not completely gone on you.”

 

“If you two insist on speaking about me as though I’m not here, at least have the courtesy to do it _quietly_ and not wake me up.”

 

Emma’s heart jumps at the sound of Regina’s sleep-heavy voice, the brunette’s nose and lips both brushing against Emma’s bare skin as Regina shifts in her half-sleep state. She moves closer and almost lifts her head, like she wants to bury herself in Emma but is contemplating getting up, not sure which to do. So Emma, knowing Regina can probably already hear how every beat of Emma’s heart pounds against her chest, tightens her arm around Regina and gently strokes with the tips of her fingers, encouraging her to stay. Henry grins. Emma rolls her eyes and knocks the side of his leg with her foot, the two of them laughing. And it’s easy, like breathing, no overthinking or worrying, just laughing and holding Regina to her while their son smiles at them both.

 

Henry tilts his head a little to the side, observing them as the laughter dies naturally. His brow pinches and he bites the corner of his mouth, a mix of Emma and Regina’s expressions when they’re contemplating something. He even scuffs the toe of his shoe like Emma does, which makes the corner of her mouth quirk.

 

“What’s up? You’re gonna dig a hole through the stone if you keep that up all night.”

 

Regina turns her head to look at Henry just as he shrugs his shoulders. “I just, you know...” He shrugs again, almost shy as he looks between his two moms. There’s a softness to his expression that she knows is just melting Regina’s heart in the best of ways. “I just want you guys to know that I’m happy for you.”

 

Emma can feel herself tense a little, but her mind doesn’t get the chance to take his words and spin them around until they’re something that can make her freak out. Regina’s hand covers her knee and gently squeezes and everything settles before it can properly tumble about. She relaxes and gives Regina’s arm its own squeeze, sending her slowly gliding fingers underneath Regina’s short sleeve, a silent thanks to the woman who somehow always knows when Emma needs help pulling herself away from the dark and twisty.

 

Regina shivers and licks her lips before clearing her throat. “Henry, you know your mother and I haven’t–”

 

“Yeah, I know,” he says before Regina can even get out her words. And maybe they’ve had this conversation so many times that he doesn’t really need to hear it anyway. Maybe he accepts them just as they are. “I mean, you’re both happy right now, right?” They nod in unison, glancing at each other and smiling. He smiles, too. “Well, that’s all that matters. I know you guys don’t want to put a label or anything on it, but you’re also not hiding that there’s _something_ that could be labeled if you wanted to. I’m... I’m just happy that both of my moms have somebody in their life that brings them happiness.”

 

“Aww. Come here, you big sap.” They both reach out for Henry as if they’re having the same thought and pull him to them, making him fall on top of them like he’s not already taller than both of them now. “We have that with you, you know?” Emma tells him, hugging him from the side and suddenly realizing she doesn’t do that enough when she feels herself not wanting to let go.

 

He squirms while Regina kisses his temple and tells him how much she loves him, and everything else around them just kind of fades and quiets, the three of them staying on the porch swing together, laughing about this and that until someone else joins them and soon everybody is on the patio and Emma’s surrounded by so much family and love that it would be too much if she didn’t know that with them is where she belongs.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

They call it falling in love, like everything just happens without thought, without notice, without deliberate action. But there isn’t a moment she shares with Emma Swan that Regina doesn’t take the time to _notice,_ to appreciate, to catalogue and remember so that she can file it all away where the happiest of her memories are kept safe. Nothing is accidental, no lingering touch, no soft expression. She is aware of it all, every moment that brings her and Emma closer, every time they open themselves up to each other, every time they find themselves tangled around one another in ways nobody would be able to tell Regina from Emma.

 

She has not fallen in love with Emma so much as she has chosen to strip herself bare and hold out her hand to the other woman, and in return, Emma has done the same, the two of them seeing all there is of the other and still choosing to move closer. The love between them is deliberate, given with trust, and it is not something that can be simplified. It is not something that can be minimized after all they have done to reach this place where there is no questioning how strongly they feel for one another. They have fought for it, worked through the tough times, and once they found love, they have never given up on it.

 

What has led to Regina smiling fondly as she watches the slow rise and fall of Emma’s chest has all been done by choice, and those choices makes it all the more rewarding when she finally rests her head beside Emma’s and closes her eyes later that night, allowing sleep to claim her while Emma peacefully slumbers next to her in bed, nothing accidental or done without thought, just two women constantly choosing to love the other.


End file.
